Page 55 - IJPS-10-2

International Journal of
Population Studies Experience of bereavement by suicide in later life

some things that are age specific, like I said to you about 3.2. Sense of self-worth in later life and the impact
the interplay of the physical and emotional health, and of external and internal influences
how much time you’ve got to, I wouldn’t say recover, I’d Many interviewees were forced to re-evaluate previously
say make some accommodation, you know, enough to taken-for-granted relationships. The reaction of friends
do different things?” (Parent, 65 – 69 years old) and family, both immediate and long-term, for example,
This theme on expectations of how (later) life will go was key to how individuals coped and expressed their
on following the loss was not only just about what the loss. For example, almost everyone referred to friends
individual could learn or do or to adapt, but also grappling avoiding them physically and the emotional neglect,
with the idea of accepting that there may be limited time they experienced where there was a lack of insight or
to adapt and/or limited resources or recourses available to understanding of what they were going through. This often
people in later life. Where these coincided with a potential forced people to look elsewhere for support, and a theme of
loss of health and wellbeing, sometimes directly related to peer or alternative networks of support started to emerge:
the loss for example in relation to a deterioration of mental “Because with my friends I tended not to weep and wail
health, there was a cumulative effect. The anticipation of and gnash my teeth, the only people I’ve cried, really
getting support from the person who had died for their own cried, in front of are the ones who are also bereaved who
future and reversal of caring roles for those left behind and completely get it.” (Parent, 65 – 69 years old)
a general diminishing of other networks of social support
which could be dramatic. As one participant stated: Others made conscious decisions to terminate their
relationships with friends who they may have felt let down
“I was thinking, it really is key I think, that you don’t try by, in some instances, long-term or significant friends
and get back to who you were, “cause you’re not who you from whom they experienced disappointments when
were, you must accept who you are now……. I think that’s looking for support. There were observations on the feeling
definitely the older a person is, when the bereavement of invisibility as an older person which manifested itself by
happens, I think the more age does have an impact from having to prioritize the needs of those who subsequently
isolation point of view, or lack of grand-children, or lack became dependent on them, often at the expense of their
of somebody coming in to do your washing for you, or own expressive and coping needs. This repositioning of
whatever it might be. The older you are, the less time self and relationships, which can feature in transformative
you’ve got to sort of get your life back together again in learning, can become evident especially when significant
some way or other.” (Parent, 75 – 79 years old) people no longer share or even oppose a person’s newly
A few participants compared their sense of isolation adopted world view (Sand & Tenant, 2010).
since the death of their loved one to the experiences of Relationships with professionals following a suicide
people during the lockdown conditions of the COVID-19 also varied. Nearly, all the participants yearned to know
pandemic and some felt validated for the first time and able every detail of their loved one’s interactions and actions
to share valuable insights and coping mechanisms: leading up to their death and were constantly questioning
“Welcome to my world, it’s been like this for, you know, and seeking very detailed information from professionals
since my son died. And you’re sort of not being able to who may have been involved. This led to many examples
see anybody, not being able to go out, not being able of disappointment in professionals, personal anger, and
to do this, or whatever. I haven’t wanted to. And, you frustration where professionals withdrew after the death
know, now everybody was in the same boat in a way.” was reluctant to be in contact or to share information. This
(Parent, 70 – 74 years old) reflected a defensive culture which provided the conditions
for conflict and suspicion and served to complicate the
There were several instances where individuals participant’s bereavement further:
questioned their ability to survive and looking for “Obviously I had to tell the hospital, the (name) and
meaning in their motivation to survive, particularly in
relation to what they described as ‘losses of the future’ the consultant there just shut off all communication
completely. The mental health team that came didn’t
and regrets:
come on the Friday afternoon all came to the funeral,
“I’m okay today, but I think last weekend, I sometimes the three nurses. But trying to have any correspondence
feel I can drive my car into a wall. I just get fed up with with him, you couldn’t speak to him, his secretary
it, I can’t take anymore. Aye, I think of suicide a lot. wouldn’t put you through to him and he didn’t reply to
I don’t think I’d do it, but I sometimes wish I wasn’t correspondence, and I thought that was poor”. (Partner,
here.” (Partner, 84 – 85 years old) 75 – 79 years old)

Volume 10 Issue 2 (2024) 49 https://doi.org/10.36922/ijps.0777