Page 57 - IJPS-10-2

International Journal of
Population Studies Experience of bereavement by suicide in later life

“But I think they are also very uncomfortable and that’s “.what I worry about is that, that when I do get older,
why they come out with these things like, “I’m delivering and I get, I mean, I kind of, if I do realize, if I get to
the dead message,” all that sort of stuff is just because that chance to realize my mortality, and you know,
of their discomfort. And we’re not good at sitting with I’m reaching the end of my existence, that I’ll start to
people’s pain and that’s what we need to learn to do, we become more mentally challenged… Because my belief
can’t fix it so we couldn’t try?” (Mother, 70 – 74 years old) is that if you suppress it, it doesn’t go away, it just goes
One woman who was an activist earlier in life when deep, and when you get older, it then begins to come out,
working with HIV/AIDS utilized her skills to get involved in all sorts of ways.” (Parent, 70 – 74 years old)
with a bereavement organization and it took some time for In short, many of the impetus to getting involved in
her to recognize and value the contribution she was making: relevant organizations, help seeking, and peer support
“I said, if there is anything I can do? And in fact, I’ve sort were in response to participants’ own wish for a more
of become, I don’t know what I am really. I am on their structured and organized response to the aftermath of
steering group, and I keep saying, but you don’t ask me to suicide, something they felt they had been denied but
do anything, I think I’ll step down. And they keep saying, was a right they wanted to fight for on behalf of others.
no, no. And I think I’m just a wise old woman. And I These included signposting, information in writing that
said to somebody once, I think that’s what I’ve done, I’ve they could revisit after the initial trauma of suicide that
surrounded myself with AA, TCF, the Quakers, Proud to provided relevant contacts and support. They also fought
Be, which is the LGBT group, with people who know about for the availability and time given by people attending the
fragility and vulnerability.” (Mother, 80 – 84 years old) suicide to be recognized in relation to other sudden deaths
in society.
Becoming active in the community also appeared to
coincide with some participants own help seeking, self- 3.5. Engagement with peer support
care and self-compassion, by taking up opportunities for Approximately one-third of our participants were actively
counseling and therapies, often for the first time since the engaged in peer support at the time of interview. This was
suicide and after a significant time had already passed:
an area where participants spoke passionately and earnestly
“I think one of the other most…again this is for me… about any transformational turns in their journey with
one of the other most helpful things I’ve done is to give suicide bereavement in later life. Engaging with relevant
myself full compassion. And in fact, it was when I did it, groups and organizations provided a vehicle for voicing
it was the few years…it wasn’t immediately, but it was their loss and an opportunity to challenge stigma of suicide
incredibly cathartic on the course. It was like there was through public discourse to raise awareness about suicide.
this deep well I realized which I’d never really allowed “But almost by example they can see that you’ve…and
myself to look into.” (Parent, 70 – 74 years old)
lots of people have said this to us, well actually talking
3.4. Reassessing one’s experiences of later life to you and realizing that you have lived through this,
and you can come through it different, you will forever
A subtheme in this journey of discovery was the temporal be changed, but it’s about that little bit of hope really.”
nature of adapting to grief and how this interacted with (Parent-in-law, 60 – 64 years old)
any changes in health and well-being as people got older.
Many participants naturally attributed negative changes One participant was very active in his local suicide
in their physical health to their bereavement and accepted action group, using his professional skills in networking
this as a natural consequence of grief. and fundraising after retirement through which he
successfully helped several relevant charities. Others
“Well, I find sometimes that something’s bothering me found immense relief through opportunities for peer
or upsetting me, or I’m feeling down, I think well is group work which focused on well-being initiatives, such
this [Name 40:49] or is just getting old? I think, am I
attributing all of this to the bereavement, when in actual as meditation, group therapies, and special interest groups
fact, I’d be feeling like this anyway?… you can’t rush that encouraged new hobbies and interests.
grief… But, at the same time, I’m conscious of the fact “Nobody tried to stop it, nobody tried to comfort me, it was
that if I don’t try, I’m not going to finish grieving before like I was just being held in a loving whirl of compassion.
I die.” (Grandparent, 60 – 64 years old) They didn’t ask…I didn’t have to talk about it, they just
let me get on with it.” (Parent, 64 – 69 years old)
Becoming more active in processing or engaging with
grief reactions was related to an increasing awareness of Some individuals provided detailed descriptions of
one’s own mortality and making the most of opportunities: transformation moments in which they were actively

Volume 10 Issue 2 (2024) 51 https://doi.org/10.36922/ijps.0777